I write this after polishing off a bottle of 2005 Pieroth Riesling in celebration of the turning of the calendar. I was checking my gmail account and off to the side I noticed the names of the people I sent e-mails to. Surprisingly, there were different colored icons next to some of the names (I realized later that this was for people that had gmail accounts). The one next to Chris Sims of the Invincible Super-Blog
fame was highlighted orange. I clicked on it and a chat window opened up. The face-kick master was online! I then sent a message as my inhibitions were a tad loosened from the aforementioned wine. Here is the chat in it's (almost) entirety (it has been edited for content and may not be suitable for all viewers.me: what are you up to Mr. ISB?
Chris: Writing an article for Cracked.
(Which is code for watching a movie and making up jokes about it)me: Wow! I can't believe I'm in a live chat with Chris Sims
Chris: Live and in person.me: That's pretty fucking awesomeconsidering you likely don't know who I am
Chris: Don't let it go to your head, kid.
(This is where, in a movie, I'd put on aviator shades and spit an entire cigarette out or something)me: and I just finished a bottle of wine
Chris: Yeah, I had to look it up real quick, I'll admit.
I haven't had a single drink yet tonight.
Keyword: YET.me: so HAppy New Yearwhat time is is where you are?
Chris: 9:42me: 10:42 herethats something that i dont recall being made explicit on the ISB. where does it originate from?
Chris: It says it right in the sidebar.. Oh, no wait, I took that out.
It's there if you go to my Blogger profile, though. I'm from South Carolina.me: do you have a tracking thing for the blog that shows where hits are coming from?
Chris: Like where as in what webpage, or where as in where on the planet?
Because the answer's yes to both, but I only pay attention to the former.me: planet
Chris: Yeah, it's got a little map feature on it.me: so if you ever DO look at the map, the daily hit from Prince Edward Island in Canada is from me
Chris: You're from Canada?!
GET BACK, VAMPIRE!
Or possibly werewolf!me: well I don't think i can defend the vampire claim, as Canada does leech one hell of a lot of shit from the statesbut werewolves are only in northern alberta, jeez
Chris: Oh, right.
And as we all know, Newfoundland is the province of the Newfie, or EL CHUPACABRA.me: a rare and elusive prey, they are. they can be captured with vassive amounts of alcohol and cod fish
Chris: It's a mysterious land in which you dwell.
Chris: I'm just funning about the vampire part.
I used to date a Canadian girl. It... ended poorly.me: you just weren't into poutine and very low budget TV and movies eh?
Chris: She stole my Swamp Thing trades!
And no, poutine is utterly vile.
Gravy and french fries were never meant to lie in a foul union.me: well we only get 10 shipments of comics for each province so her reaction was typical.but my guess is she took them because you didn't like poutine
Chris: Well that's to be expected. $2.99 US is what, eighty, ninety CAD and a goat?me: well, quite frankly yes, but you can leave off the goat and knock off 20% if you include your first born child
Chris: 1 Canadian Child = Goat + 40 CAD.
Got it.me: we don't want to over populate
POUTINE IS PEOPLE!
PEEEEEEOPLLLLLLE!me: no, it's just americans that go into the wrong hockey rinkme: anyways, i'll let you get back to your movie (which one is it?). It was cool talking with you and keep up the good work on the ISB
Chris: Right now?
Zoolander.me: good lord
Chris: But I'm also writing about Night at the Museum and Starsky & Hutch.
Zoolander, sir, is a CLASSIC of modern cinema.me: only if you're high while watching (or so I hear)
Chris: It's profoundly underrated.
Truly, it's THE PRODUCERS for our times.me: well have a Happy New Year Chris. I look forward to the mind-blowing-awesomeness you have in store for 2007
Happy New Year to you too.
Go drink another bottle of wine and shout loudly about Etrigan the Demon.
That is the true way of the ISB.me: should I shout in rhyme?I don't do that all the time
Chris: Of course you should. If you don't, it's no good.
Sent at 11:11 PM on Sundayme: well then, perhaps I will. The wine though, will have to chill
Chris: You should drink 'til you're purple.
And then you could..
Shit.me: hahahave a good one Chris
Chris: Happy New Year!me: my resolution is to give people more kicks to the face
Chris: That's a good one
There you have it. My chat with Chris Sims, a great way to close out 2006. Happy New Year!